Discernment: Self-aware versus self-obsessed

We’ve been doing a Thursday series this month on our Identity in Christ. Identity and understanding ourselves is important, but sometimes there is a fine line between being self-aware and self-obsessed.

Being self-aware is both helpful and necessary. In fact, the Bible even encourages us to examine ourselves. Understanding who we are and where we need to seek God’s help and guidance is important. There are several ways that we can work toward becoming more self-aware.

I believe the first is seeking input from God. As we read His Word we can see who He has created us to be and who He says we are in Him. Understanding our identity in Him is crucial. From there we can do as the psalmist did in Psalm 139:23-24 when he said:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.”

Asking God to search us and then show us areas of our lives that are not as they should be is also important. He desires for us to grow in Christ-likeness and the Holy Spirit will guide us in that if we listen and obey.

Another way that we can grow in self-awareness is by listening to and seeking input from those closest to us. Sometimes, if we pay careful attention those we love or work closely with will give us glimpses of areas where we need to become more self-aware. But sometimes being willing to ask difficult questions that we might not really want to hear the answers to, yet listening and hearing what those closest to us see in us both good and bad are important and ultimately helpful to us if we use it to grow.

Personality assessments can also be helpful in getting to know more about ourselves and how we are wired. When we know our strengths in various areas, we also realize that every strength carries potential issues. If we know what those areas are, we can be more aware and watch out for them. There are many useful personality assessments, but one particular assessment that I have found to be helpful is the Working Genius assessment. If you would like more information about it, please fee free to reach out to me.

These are just a few of many different ways to become more self-aware and that can be helpful to ourselves and to others because it can help us grow and have healthier relationships. But we can also take the pursuit of self-awareness too far, and become self-obsessed.

If we are seeking to become self-aware so we can grow in Christ-likeness and strengthen our relationships with God and others then that is a good thing. Sometimes that is not our motivation though. Sometimes we seek to become more self-aware so we can guard ourselves, protect ourselves, become more likable, earn respect, and possibly even manipulate or get things from others.

In many ways self-aware versus self-obsessed is not an either or type of situation, but is really a spectrum. The healthy middle of the spectrum is self-awareness motivated by growing in Christ-likeness. On one unhealthy end of the spectrum we see the motivations of guarding or protecting ourselves which aren’t altogether bad things necessarily but can become unhealthy. On this far end of the spectrum we see full self-obsession where a person’s focus is completely on themselves and what they need and what they can get. They are completely selfish. On the opposite end of the spectrum we see those who completely lack self-awareness. They have no sense of identity, and might rely on others to tell them who they are and please them instead of seeking to understand who God has created them to be and please Him. They may do and say things without any clue of how their behavior effects others because of their lack of awareness. Each of us is somewhere on this spectrum.

This brings us back to the idea of examining ourselves. Using discernment to be honest with ourselves about where we are on that spectrum is important. Are we self-obsessed? Do we lack self-awareness? Or are seeking self-awareness to grow in Christ-likeness? Take some time to discern where you are today.